Coercive Control and Family Law: What It Means for Your Parenting and Property Matter

Coercive control can continue after separation. It may affect your children, your finances, your communication and your ability to make decisions freely.

You need a clear strategy.

Coercive control is not limited to physical violence. It can involve a repeated pattern of behaviour used to dominate, isolate, monitor, intimidate or financially control another person. In family law, that pattern may be relevant to both parenting and property matters. Importantly, coercive control does not necessarily end when a relationship ends. Separation can sometimes change the way the behaviour occurs rather than bringing the pattern of control to an end. Parenting arrangements, communication, financial disputes and even the family law process itself can become ways in which control continues.

The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) expressly recognises coercive and controlling conduct, as well as economic and financial abuse, within the definition of family violence.

This article explains what that can mean for your matter.

What is coercive control in family law?

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that restricts your freedom, choices, safety or financial independence.

It may include:

• Monitoring your phone, location, emails or social media.
• Controlling who you see or where you go.
• Repeated threats, intimidation or humiliation.
• Restricting your access to money or bank accounts.
• Preventing you from working or studying.
• Forcing you to sign documents or take on financial liabilities.
• Using parenting arrangements or communication to maintain control.
• Isolating you from family, friends, culture or support services.
• Repeatedly contacting you, demanding responses or creating conflict, including using parenting apps to do so.
• Threatening to take the children or make allegations against you.
• Threatening to withhold child support as a means of control.

Coercive control often develops as a pattern rather than one isolated event. Not every disagreement, difficult communication or relationship conflict amounts to coercive control. The context, frequency, impact and purpose of the behaviour matter.

The behaviour may also continue after separation in different forms. For example, a person may use repeated demands, unnecessary disputes, financial pressure, parenting disagreements or constant communication to maintain influence over the other parent.

The family law process itself can also sometimes become part of the dynamic. Repeated applications, excessive correspondence, repeated allegations, refusal to provide information or using the cost and stress of proceedings to wear down the other person may, depending on the circumstances, form part of a broader pattern of post-separation abuse or systems abuse.

The important question is not simply what happened before separation. It is whether the pattern of behaviour is continuing and how it is affecting you and your children now.

The Australian Government explains the 2025 family law changes, including the expanded recognition of family violence and economic abuse.

Does coercive control count as family violence?

Yes. Coercive and controlling behaviour may constitute family violence under the Family Law Act.

Section 4AB defines family violence broadly. It includes violent, threatening or other behaviour that coerces or controls a family member, or causes that person to be fearful.

Examples include conduct such as:

• an assault; or
• a sexual assault or other sexually abusive behaviour; or
• stalking; or
• repeated derogatory taunts; or
• intentionally damaging or destroying property; or
• intentionally causing death or injury to an animal; or
• economic or financial abuse; or
• preventing the family member from making or keeping connections with their family, friends, or culture; or
• unlawfully depriving the family member or any member of the family member’s family, of their liberty.

Examples of economic or financial abuse include:

• forcibly controlling money, assets or superannuation; or
• sabotaging employment, income or earning capacity; or
• forcing a person to take on a financial or legal liability; or
• accumulating liabilities in another person’s name without their knowledge; or
• unreasonably withholding financial support for living expenses of the family member or a child or dependent; or
• coercing a family member, including by threats, physical or emotional abuse, to give or seek money, assets or other items as dowry, or to agree to things in connection with a practice of dowry.

A child is exposed to family violence if the child sees or hears family violence or otherwise experiences the effects of family violence. Examples include, but are not limited to:

• overhearing threats of death or personal injury by a member of the child’s family towards another member of the child’s family; or
• seeing or hearing an assault of a member of the child’s family by another member of the child’s family; or
• comforting or providing assistance to a member of the child’s family who has been assaulted by another member of the child’s family; or
• cleaning up a site after a member of the child’s family has intentionally damaged property of another member of the child’s family; or
• being present when police or ambulance officers attend an incident involving the assault of a member of the child’s family by another member of the child’s family.

How can coercive control affect my parenting matter?

Coercive control may be central to decisions about risk, communication and parenting arrangements.

The court’s focus is the best interests of the child. A history of family violence, abuse or neglect may be relevant to that assessment, whether the behaviour was directed at the child or another member of the family.

The court may consider whether coercive control has:

• Created a risk of psychological or emotional harm to the child.
• Affected your ability to make safe and independent parenting decisions.
• Exposed the child to intimidation, threats or adult conflict.
• Involved the other parent using the child to continue control after separation.
• Made ordinary co-parenting communication unsafe or unrealistic.
• Affected handovers, changeovers, school arrangements or medical decisions.
• Caused the child to feel responsible for managing conflict between adults.

Children can also be affected by coercive control even where the behaviour is not directed at them personally.

A child may:

• Become hypervigilant about a parent’s mood or behaviour.
• Feel responsible for keeping the peace between adults.
• Be used as a messenger between parents.
• Change their own behaviour to avoid upsetting a parent.
• Feel responsible for protecting one parent from the other.
• Feel pressure about what they can safely say to either parent.
• Become anxious about what will happen when they move between households.

These experiences can be significant even where there has been no direct physical violence towards the child.

The appropriate response will depend on the evidence and the circumstances. Parenting arrangements may include detailed communication conditions, supervised time, structured changeovers or other protective arrangements where needed.

The court will not assume that shared care or frequent direct communication is appropriate simply because both parents want it. It must consider the actual dynamics and risks in the family.

Can coercive control affect my property settlement?

Yes. The economic effect of coercive control may be relevant to contributions and future financial needs.

Family violence means violent, threatening or other behaviour by a person that coerces or controls a member of the person’s family, or causes the family member to be fearful. The 2025 amendments to the Family Law Act, make clear that the economic effect of family violence must be considered, where relevant, when making decisions about property and finances after separation.

The impact of family violence could be relevant when assessing a party’s contributions to the property pool and to the welfare of the family and when assessing that party’s current and future financial circumstances.

Examples may include:

• Being prevented from working or building a career.
• Having your employment disrupted or income controlled.
• Performing unpaid care while the other person controlled the finances.
• Being forced to sell or give up assets.
• Taking on liabilities for the benefit of the relationship or the other party.
• Having your credit history affected.
• Being denied access to bank accounts or financial information.
• Being left with ongoing health, housing or employment impacts.
• The costs of ongoing counselling and rehabilitation.
• The impact of family violence on a person’s capacity to obtain employment or undergo training.

This does not mean that every allegation of coercive control will automatically change the division of property. You need to establish the relevant conduct, its effect and the financial consequences.

A property matter requires careful preparation. We will assess the asset pool, liabilities, financial records, contributions and future needs together with the family violence history.

You can read more about the Australian Government’s information on property changes from 10 June 2025.

What evidence may help show coercive control?

A clear chronology is usually more useful than a collection of disconnected incidents.

Coercive control is often best understood by looking at the pattern over time. Useful information may include:

• Text messages, emails and communication records.
• Bank statements and other financial documents.
• Loan applications, guarantees or liabilities taken in your name.
• Evidence of restricted access to money or accounts.
• Records of threats, monitoring or repeated demands.
• Records showing repeated disputes, applications, demands or correspondence after separation where these form part of the broader pattern.
• Police reports and domestic violence orders.
• Medical, counselling or support service records.
• School or childcare records where relevant.
• Statements from people who observed the behaviour or its effects.
• A dated chronology explaining what happened and how it affected you or the children.

Do not put yourself at risk to collect evidence. Do not access accounts or devices if doing so may breach an order or create a safety concern. Obtain advice about preserving information safely.

The objective is not to produce a long list of every argument or disagreement. It is to identify the pattern, the context, the impact and the evidence that supports it.

A court will assess reliability, relevance and context. Your evidence should help explain the pattern, not simply describe the relationship in general terms.

Do I have to communicate directly with the other parent?

No. Direct communication is not always appropriate or safe.

Where coercive control is alleged or ongoing, communication may need to be limited, structured and focused only on the children.

Options may include:

• Communication through a parenting application.
• Email with clear boundaries.
• A dedicated communication platform.
• Communication through lawyers.
• Written notice for important decisions.
• Arrangements that reduce direct contact at changeovers.
• A third person or supervised service for handovers where appropriate.

Your communication strategy should support your legal position. Avoid responding to every message immediately. Keep communication factual, brief and child-focused. Do not enter into arguments or attempt to resolve the entire history of the relationship by text.

It is also important to recognise that communication itself can sometimes become a method of control. A constant stream of messages, demands for immediate responses, repeated changes to arrangements or unnecessary disputes can create pressure and keep you engaged in conflict long after the relationship has ended.

We can help you create a communication plan that reduces noise and protects your position.

Is mediation appropriate where coercive control is involved?

Mediation is not automatically suitable where coercive control affects a person’s ability to participate freely or safely.

Family dispute resolution providers should assess safety, power imbalance and whether each person can negotiate independently. In some matters, mediation may proceed with safeguards such as shuttle arrangements, separate rooms, legal representation or carefully managed communication.

In other matters, the history of coercive control may mean that a court process is more appropriate. Parenting matters may also qualify for an exemption from the usual requirement to attempt family dispute resolution where family violence, urgency or other relevant circumstances exist.

The right approach depends on the current risk and the issues in dispute. You need advice before agreeing to a process that may place you under further pressure.

Mediation can be highly effective where both parties are able to participate safely and negotiate meaningfully. But the objective should not simply be to reach an agreement at any cost. The process needs to be appropriate for the circumstances and capable of producing arrangements that are safe, workable and in the best interests of the children.

What should I do if coercive control is affecting my matter now?

You should obtain advice before responding to major demands, signing documents or agreeing to parenting arrangements.

Start by creating order around the situation:

• Identify whether your matter involves parenting, property or both.
• Record the main behaviours and their effect on you or the children.
• Secure important financial and parenting documents.
• Check whether any family violence or parenting orders apply.
• Consider immediate safety and communication needs.
• Obtain advice about negotiation, mediation or court action.
• Consider whether post-separation behaviour, including the use of repeated disputes or legal processes, is part of an ongoing pattern of control.
• Follow a strategy rather than reacting to each new message.

If you are in immediate danger, call Triple Zero (000). For confidential support, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

In New South Wales, coercive control has been a criminal offence in current and former intimate partner relationships for conduct occurring from 1 July 2024. In Queensland, coercive control became a criminal offence from 26 May 2025. These criminal laws are separate from your family law matter, but relevant information may also need to be considered in parenting or property proceedings. See the NSW Government information on coercive control and the Queensland Government information on coercive control laws.

How can Angie Grigg Family Law help?

We help you replace reaction with strategy.

Angie Grigg is an Accredited Family Law Specialist with more than 20 years’ experience. Our firm assists with complex and high-conflict family law matters involving:

• Coercive control and family violence.
• Child safety and abuse allegations.
• Parenting orders and urgent applications.
• Property disputes and property settlements.
• Contravention and relocation matters.
• Negotiation, mediation and court proceedings.
• Financial abuse, spousal maintenance and liabilities.

We are based in Northern New South Wales and assist clients across the Northern Rivers, Tweed Heads and the Gold Coast, as well as clients Australia wide.

You do not need more conflict. You need a strategy.

Call 040 9928 455 or visit angiegriggfamilylaw.com to take the next step.

This article provides general information only. It is not a substitute for legal advice about your circumstances.